When Someone You Love is Heartbroken

One of the worst times in life is when love dies or disappears. Oddly enough, it's also the thing we don't get time off for at work. It's not an occasion for sympathy cards or visits from concerned friends. We're expected to somehow get through the agony of a breakup without talking about it, without seeming what we are--devastated, destroyed, in despair. 
Psychotherapist Guy Winch has helpful advice for getting through a breakup--I'll put a link in at the end of this post. My advice is for the friends and family members of someone who's going through a breakup. Because you're the ones who can help make a bad situation better, possibly even bearable. It may feel uncomfortable--as bystanders, we're taught to look away when someone is in emotional pain over a relationship that's ended or never gotten properly off the ground. We're not taught to help, and not knowing what to say or do makes people want to avoid the topic. You might tell your friend to buck up, to forget it, that that other person was never any good, and then you hope and pray that the stoicism and shame that attend the ownership of a broken heart will prevail. 
But think back--remember. Did you ever want someone who didn't want you back? Fall in love with someone who wandered off with someone else? Thought you'd found your forever home, then discovered you'd placed it in the wrong heart? Most of us have been disappointed in love at some point. There are few greater sources of pain.
What, aside from the continued presence of that one irreplaceable One, did you want at three in the morning when you couldn't sleep? On Sunday when there was nothing to do and no one to do it with? When there seemed no point in cooking a meal that would be eaten alone? What did you need? Think on that, and then give what you needed to the person you care about who needs it now. Who needs YOU now.
How to help
It can be as simple as a daily text or phone call, checking in and saying How are you? If you're brave enough, you can invite your loved one to talk about their loved one, and what they're going through. You can invite the brokenhearted to dinner, or over to watch TV. Give littl gifts, pay attention. You can go the extra mile by inviting them to stay with you for a day, a week or longer. Help them be distracted by days out at the beach, the park, the museum, and introduce them to new people, preferably amusing people.  Let them know they're still loved, by you, and that love will come again.
"Get over it" is the wrong thing to say
What's not helpful is to say some version of, "isn't it time you got over it?" That hurts the other and makes them feel ashamed and alone. Rather, say something like, "I know this is awful for you. Take all the time you need. I'm here. I'll be here."
It's probably not helpful to say early on in your friend's grief what a rat the lost loved one was, how s/he/they were never good enough, that they'd done various rotten things you hadn't mentioned before. Focus on your friend's distress, and don't sling mud. It doesn't help and may even hurt (and people have been known to get back together and dump the friend who'd tried to be supportive!) It's also probably not too helpful to spend much time discussing why it ended--it feeds the obsessive quality of a lover who's lost. There's a story about a famous American novelist who, when her husband asked, "Why are you leaving me?" replied, "Because it is time."
Guy Winch does recommend that people keep a list in their phone of the bad things that happened or the bad qualities of the lost love, to consult when tempted to recall and grieve over the good things. Reminding yourself of what wasn't good probably helps, but I'm not so sure it helps when someone else does it!
Being alone doesn't aid recovery
Sometimes, the pain is so great, the impulse is to isolate oneself, like the story we tell each other about wounded animals seeking a quiet place to lick their wounds. But, according to Winch (and I agree), being alone doesn't help: it fosters rumination and sends you into a rabbit hole of confusion and regret. Asking why something ended the way it did doesn't actually help: it keeps us stuck in the story. Help your hurting friend escape the trap of trying to understand why it ended. Bang on their door; send them flowers with an invitation to come out an play, no matter how miserable they feel. Serenade them under the window and embarrass them in front of the neighbours. Don't let them shout and send you away--say with great serenity, "You can yell all you want, but I'm not leaving until you come with me to the cinema, the star party, the coffeehouse, the open mic, the naked sauna, Paris." Become a pain in the arse if you have to. They might shriek at you to get lost, and threaten dire consequences, but one day, they'll say thanks for being such an annoying, irritating, jerk, a buttinsky, a nosey parker, a violator of their privacy.  Shove some chocolate brownies through the letter slot, sit on the front stoop and wait.
Touch
Being touched by someone you care about who cares back is a healing thing. Caring touch registers in the brain, telling us from a bodily sense that we are safe and not alone. In the way a parents holds their baby, tenderly, firmly, you can comfort your hurting friend, with hugs, pats on the shoulder, stroking their hair. You can take their arm when you walk, or hold their hand. If your friend is a victim of social rules that say being touched isn't "manly", slap them on the shoulder, shake their hand when you meet and part.  Consoling touches from someone who cares helps us feel embraced and secure. (Even big, strong, independent types sometimes feel like crying and want a cuddle--even if they can't ask for it out loud.)
And if someone is in big trouble and you can't help, see if you can get them to talk to a professional counsellor, or someone in their faith group, or a wise older person they trust. Sometimes we need a stranger to spill our secrets to, to work through the pain and shame, to make a new plan, to help us hold on. Sometimes we can't let our friends or family members close enough to help--it hurts too much. Therapy, even when it's not about unrequited or lost love in particular, is often about the vast disappointments of not having been loved enough by the right people, in the right ways, at the right time. Therapy is a good place for waiting out the storm with someone who can hold the umbrella without getting drenched themselves. 
I'll end with that link to Guy Winch talking about ways to heal a broken heart.
Guy WInch Ted Talk